Looking for Leah
by Evil's Sidekick
Summary: As a series of tragedies strike La Push, Leah is the only one who may be able to fix it. Unfortunately, the death of Seth has had many consequences, and it's up to Edward and Jacob to bring Leah back. Leah/Edward, Leah/Jacob
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

_You can tell by the way, she walks that she's my girl  
You can tell by the way, she talks that she rules the world.  
You can see in her eyes that no one is her chain.  
She's my girl, my supergirl. _

_ -Reamonn-Supergirl_  


"Yes, Alice, we really are doing this."

He could all but _see _his sister wrinkling her nose, furrowing her brow even as her honey-colored eyes clouded with confusion. He felt his grip tighten on his phone, and made an effort to relax his fingers.

"But _why_?" She asked, plaintively. "I mean, I know about the whole it's-the-right-thing-to-do rant you gave Carlisle, but why _now_? It's been months."

"And I regret not doing this sooner, but I was preoccupied." He knew his voice tightened, and found that he didn't care. Alice, of all people, should understand how he felt about this.

There was a silence. "Is that what this is about?" She asked, finally. "I'm sorry, Edward, but I'm just trying to understand. Is it about...you know."

_Her fucking name is Bella! _

He held the anger in, reigning it in because, after all, what good could it do? Again, he felt that surge of empathy. He couldn't imagine living in a world like this, constantly shirking around the subject. "No, it isn't about Bella. It's about the way everyone in our neighborhood found it perfectly alright to just _forget, _let her rot, let her be dead. How does Carlisle justify this?"

"He told you." He feels her frustration, even though her voice is even and controlled, just like his is. "We tried, and we couldn't find her, and then you divorced..."

"Whatever." He snapped. "We're doing this. Tell Carlisle you were unsuccessful." _Just like the others. _Every single member of his family had taken turns to deter him from this, with the surprising exception of Jasper. Alice's soul mate had quietly defended Edward, and had actually offered to join them.

He hung up, not willing to offer further patience. Edward's feelings towards his family were conflicted at best, made worse by their complete bewilderment at his actions.

He stood completely still, attempting to calm his inner turmoil. In moments like these, he felt he could sense the world inhale, the minute tremble of the aspen, the heady fragrance of scarlet roses somewhere far away.

He opened his eyes, and began striding towards the silver car parked by the side of the road.

*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)

"I don't give a shit, okay?" Jacob could feel his entire form shudder, seconds away from completely losing it and snapping his phone in half. "Just leave me the fuck alone!"

He saw Edward approaching out of the corner of his eye, and that made him get control over himself. Like hell he was flipping with the leech watching and smirking. Not that he actually seemed to smirk a lot lately. The wild goose chase across the state had been made almost tolerable by the knowledge Edward was going through the same sort of shit Jake was. It amused Jake, in a way, to know that the oh-so-benevolent nest of bloodsuckers were totally floored by Edward's decision.

Some part of him actually admired Edward's nerve, though all the vamps in the world threatening to kill him couldn't drag that fun fact out of Jacob. He went through hell over Bella, came out of his reclusive lifestyle to drag himself through court, had his heart pretty much torn out and stomped on, and yet, here he was, doing a tough thing that no one approved of.

_Maybe it's a masochistic thing, _Jake mused. Maybe he wanted to feel worse because he very possibly wasn't too upset over losing Bella anymore. Going on a frustrating road trip could be Edward's way of saying_ see? I'm still a brooding, pathetic loser because you left me, you bitch. _

Jake snorted. Quil was right. His theories were bullshit. Well, he had no explanation as to why Edward was here, so he supposed he had to accept that and be glad for the help.

"You know that doesn't solve anything, just tell us why the fuck you're doing this!" Jared shrieked in his ear. The pack had to be going crazy, with no form of leadership. Well, it wasn't Jake's fault Sam had picked a crappy time to go on his honeymoon. Jared and the rest of them would just have to deal.

Edward swung open the door, and Jake said, quickly, "Talk later, Sanders."

"You better, Black." Jared growled.

Jake tossed his phone onto the dashboard. He noted that Edward was completely immobile, his eyes fixed on the road before him.

Jake inhaled deeply. _No insults. _"What next?"

His companion didn't so much blink. Jake bit back the urge to snap at him to cut it out, knowing he would only be confirming that the leech got to him. "Keep driving, I suppose, until we find another town."

Jake gnashed his teeth in frustration. It was the third day on the road, and he was already nearasthis to snapping and pulling out. He was beginning to wonder how long it would take. Despite his promise to himself, he knew that he had responsibilities and that he couldn't run forever.

He glanced at Edward, knowing he had to have the same problems. However, Jake refused to be the first to crack. Besides, he still had that nagging voice in his brain that told him _don't give up, not when you're so close. _

He shook his head, trying to force the voice out. He was long past the stage where he trusted his own mind.

As he slid the gears smoothly, he couldn't help whispering, "Dammit, Leah, where the fuck are you?"

*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)

A familiar song caught Edward's attention, arousing him from the open-eyed state of unconsciousness he always went into when driving. He and Jake had switched places a few hours ago when Edward observed the other supernatural almost dropping off, and had taken over driving. Jacob had expressed his disapproval of this by changing channels on the radio to the point where Edward was ready to wrench the damn thing out.

However, Jake had fallen asleep while Edward had slipped out of immediate consciousness. All things considered, Edward considered this a small favor. Not that the shape shifter hadn't grown more tolerable over the hours, but he had an irritating way of being supremely impatient. It was a wonder, really, that Jake hadn't pulled out from this seemingly never-ending mission of theirs.

The truth was that the entire journey had been tinged with a slight incredulity. Why was Jake here? Why didn't he leave? Was the bond between an Alpha and his second-in-command strong enough to override all other instincts? Or was it because Jake and Leah shared something unique? It wasn't a far cry to assume that the two shifters were lovers, even though their past behavior suggested nothing of the sort.

He recognized the look in Jake's eyes when he woke up and saw Edward-the same disbelief. Neither man understood the other, or his motives.

Come to that, Edward wasn't completely certain he himself understood his own motives. He had told himself and everyone else he was searching for Leah because even though it was the right thing to do, no one else was doing it. But he wasn't sure, not anymore. He knew that everyone else had searched the best they could only to come up with nothing. Would he really abandon his family to go on some futile mission just because it was _right_?

So maybe he was running. Running from the heartbreak, the memories, the disappointment of all those he loved. But why this way? Why running towards a missing woman with his mortal enemy by his side?

_Maybe I'm just a good person, _Edward thought dryly. _Why does no one ever consider that? _

His reflections were cut short-as, incidentally, was his brief moment of peace- when Jacob yawned, and stretched.

"Where are we?" He inquired, rubbing at his face.

Edward shrugged. "We could stop and ask."

Jake nodded vigorously. "From a diner. I'm starved."

Edward resisted the urge to roll his eyes, and parked smoothly in the parking lot of a building that said MERLOTTE'S DINER in neon lettering.

Jake scrambled out of the car. Edward paused long enough to check the time. Eleven pm.

*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)

Jake leaped on to a chair at a suitably dark corner. He was wondering whether Edward would join him or not when he saw the vampire enter the diner, scan the room and head towards him.

_Wonder what he plans to eat, _Jake thought idly, scanning the menu. _The waitress?_

The menu was filled with the regulars. Jacob couldn't even pretend to read it anymore, so he tossed it aside and hoped someone would show up and take their orders.

The diner was uncrowded. Except for himself and his parasitical companion, there was a college kid with a laptop open, and a lone girl sitting by herself at the far corner of the room. Jake squinted automatically to check the girl's features, but she was blonde.

He slumped back in his seat. "So, we ask around?"

Edward nodded, his eyes fixed on the map he'd spread out on the table. "According to the sign outside, we're in Clyde Hill." He bit his lower lip, and Jake watched in a sick sort of fascination. Would his fangs cut his own lip? If so, what would come out?

Jake shook his head. _Adult, remember?_

"We're still within range of the Olympic Mountains, so that means we're not all that far from the reservation." Edward pointed out, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"No shit, Sherlock." Jake said, impressed despite himself. "So you're saying that there's a fair chance of Leah being here?"

Edward nodded, a trace of emotion in his freaky vampire eyes. Jake wondered if Edward felt the way Jake did: insanely hopeful, even though they had been searching long enough to give up hope.

_It'd be nice to have this off our shoulders. _Besides, Jake suspected he actually missed his bitch of a pack mate. Fuck it, he _wanted_ to see Leah again.

Edward seemed to sense his glee, and he smiled, too. Jake shook off the worry that they were-God forbid- _bonding _when a waitress finally appeared.

"What'll it be?"

Jake scanned the menu once again as Edward made an excuse not to eat. He looked sharply at Edward when he trailed off mid-sentence.

"Um. Should I come back when you're ready to order?"

_Fuck_. The voice registered, and Jake nearly snapped his neck when he looked at the waitress.

He couldn't help it. He grinned.

_Of all the fucking coincidences. _

"Oh, we're ready to order, alright."

**Author's note: So, whadduya think? Ooh, and I'm having a poll, go vote who you want Leah to end up with. I'm not updating until I decide. **

**Love, **

**Evil's Sidekick**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER ONE**

_If we've all forgotten you  
Are we all forgotten too?_

_ -Paper Route-Are We All Forgotten?_

Macy told us beforehand that she would be leaving early that night, but that didn't mean we could help the sudden overcrowding of work. By the time the regular patrons of the diner had left, Jenna and I were _exhausted_.

"Never again." She swore, fumbling with the buttons of her coat.

I nodded fervently. "What I don't believe is the number of people willing to stick around just to avoid going back home. Seriously, aren't there laws against that?"

She smirked. "Don't let Eric hear you say that. Troubled marriages are God's gift to him."

I groaned when I spotted said employer making his way towards us, looking apologetic. I recognised that look.

"Don't tell me." I begged.

Eric winced. "Uh...actually, maybe I can handle it on my own."

He was doing the puppy-dog eyes thing. The guy had severe issues, yet he was irresistible. I found myself stalking back into the dining area in no time.

Despite my irritation at having zero resistance to charming employers, I composed my face into neutral lines before grabbing my notepad. I took a cursory glance at the customers. _Two guys, one fair-haired, the other dark, both around my age. _

Out of nowhere, I suddenly felt almost dizzy. 

_Shit. __Not again. _

It had happened before. I'd see a face in the street, a smile out of the corner of my eye, and my knees would give out and my focus would blur. But the sensation hadn't been quite so strong before. I attempted to shrug it off, knowing that it would pass quickly. After six months of _almost_ recognizing a life, I was more than used to strange feelings.

Despite that, it was too strong. The nagging at the back of my mind was like an alarm clock, impatiently counting down the seconds until something happened.

I swallowed, willing my voice to be steady. "What'll it be?"

The fair-haired one took one last glance at the map spread out before them. _Definitely not from around here._ "Nothing for-" He began, then our eyes met.

_Oh, fuck. Oh, no._

Because at the sight of his eyes -honey-colored and utterly shocked- I felt something shake violently within me. It was like every single cell in my body were simultaneously imploding.

I gripped their table for support. _What the fuck is going on?_

I blinked consecutively, not caring what that looked like. _SNAP BACK! _"Um, should I come back when you're ready to order?" I managed.

The dark haired one looked up.

My stomach lurched. Bizarrely, a flash of a figure standing next to a window blazed through my mind.

A smile curved the corners of his mouth upwards. "Oh, we're ready to order, alright."

I forced my pencil against the paper, and thrust my eyebrows up expectantly.

The dark one took his time. His eyes met his companion's, a hint of a smile still lingering, apparently completely unaware that I wanted to throttle some answers out of him.

"I'll have the cheeseburger, with extra large fries. Oh, and lots of coffee." He smiled charmingly.

The fair one muttered something under his breath that sounded like "Going to need it."

I nodded. Calm. I am calm.

"Be right back." I tried to muster a smile, gave up, then walked away unsteadily.

*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)

"They could be from, you know, _before_." Jenna widened her eyes significantly.

"Maybe." I rested my head against the door. My actions were erratic and unfocused, due to sheer fatigue. On my way back, I'd even crashed against a table. I've never actually seemed clumsy, but my brain had trouble making sense of what was going on around me, and as a result, my movements were nonsensical. "Listen, are you sure...?"

She shrugged. "No problem. I'll cover for you. You go home and rest. It's been a long day."

I smiled, but it was an effort. "Thanks, Jen. You're the best."

She smirked, and brushed it away. "Whatever. Just remember that you owe me."

I nodded, grabbing my bag. "See you around."

I nodded at Damien, the chef, on the way out. Damn it, Jenna had been right. I was tired beyond comprehension. My fingers fumbled around for my keys, and I realized that I was shaking.

_Shit. This is very, very bad._

I rested my forehead on the cool surface of my car. For the millionth time, I wondered who the new arrivals were. Were they dangerous? Or was the only danger they posed the reaction I had to the mere sight of them?

_Breathe. In, out. Don't panic. For heaven's sake, don't panic. _

Of course, it didn't work.

"Can we have a word with you?"  
I gasped, and whipped around. The dark-haired man was leaning casually against Damien's pickup. I made out a flash of gold, to spot the other one standing a little distance away, his unusual eyes weary.

I briefly contemplated yelling for help. Damien was sure to hear me, if he hadn't moved form his position.

As if reading my thoughts, the fair-haired one said, quietly, "Don't worry. We won't harm you."

The other one snorted. "Most likely it'll be the other way around."

My eyes flitted between them, gauging distances. Again, seeming to sense my trepidation, the golden-eyed one took a step back. After a questioning glance, his companion followed suit.

I shook my head in an attempt to clear it. My heart was still thudding too loudly against my ribs.

We studied each other. The street lamp afforded more than enough visibility, and I had good eyesight anyway.

They were both undeniably attractive. I realized that that was part of the aura of mystery that hung around them, almost visible yet still unusual. The fair one's hair wasn't either blonde nor brown, but a strange combination that seemed _bronze_ under the lighting. His complexion was deathly pale, but his features suggested nothing vulnerable. He had a strong, obstinate jaw, and his eyes had the expression of perpetual defiance, as if he had experienced nothing but disappointment his entire life, but was still determined not to let the world break him down.

The other one was a striking contrast. He was taller, but not by much. His coloring was the same as mine, as was the tone of his hair. He had dark eyes, seemingly full of nothing but mischief and amusement. He was a man nature had blessed with a personality that went with his handsome exterior. I could imagine a life with him: safe, happy, content.

_Whoa there. _I was stunned by this wayward thought. I wasn't ready to view these strangers in any light bar that of mistrust.

But the feeling was there, almost a longing. It was like he was the juxtaposition of all my dreams, ones I never knew I had.

_Get a grip. Now. _

He cleared his throat, his expression inscrutable. "Um. Well, for what it's worth, my name is Jake."

I raised my eyebrows. "Sarah." I offered, cautiously.

A strange emotion seemed to flood Jake's dark eyes, which he closed abruptly. If I didn't know better, I'd have called it pain.

"Edward." The other one said, his face blank.

I nodded. My heart had resumed beating in the ordinary way, though my every instinct was screaming at me to run. "And why do you want to talk to me?"

The dark one -Jake- tugged at the collar of his T-shirt. "Damn, we should've rehearsed." He muttered.

"Are you sure about who you are?" Edward asked, confirming my worst fears.

A curious thrill ran along my spine. _They might know about me. _Not for the first time, I fantasized about a perfect life, possibly with one of these beautiful men-

-only to slam back to the concrete knowledge: _whatever that made me this way can't be good._

That was when I knew.

Whatever they could tell me, whatever they knew...it wasn't good. There was no way I could wake up with no memory in a neighborhood of people who'd never seen me before if what had happened to me had been tolerable in any way. What they were about to tell me would change my life for the worse- and I liked where I stood.

I held up a hand. They looked at me, surprised.

"I understand that you're about to tell me something about my life _before_." I said, unconsciously using Jenna's name for my past. "Before you do, let me tell you something: _don't."_

Jake's eyes widened. Edward's face was set into a controlled mask, so that there was nothing I could read there.

"Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate your coming here from wherever you're from. But-" I gestured helplessly. "It's been a long day. And I don't think I can take it."

Jake nodded. "How about tomorrow?"

I blinked. "Don't you understand? How about _never_?"

Deciding that there really was no reason for me to stick around any longer, I turned around and climbed into my car. I reversed out the parking lot, ignoring them.

I left them standing there.

**Author's Note: Not very happy with this one. Getting through Leah's view was really tricky. If you hate the change of PoV, tell me. If you're okay with it, tell me that, too. I really need the feedback. **

**Love,**

**Evil's Sidekick**


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER TWO**

_Are you goin' to Scarborough Fair?  
__Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.  
__Remember me to one who lives there,  
__she once was a true love of mine._

_'Simon and Garfunkel-Scarborough Fair_

_*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)_

_It's a strange sensation, but you may have gotten used to it. After all, it's not the first time._

_The morning sunlight is playing on his hair, picking out the strands of gold in the mane of black. It's strange, how the sunlight only falls on him, when the rest of the world is covered by poisonous darkness. _

_He is framed by the window, looking out._ "_It's a beautiful morning." He says. He looks so alone standing there. You go and wrap your arms around him._

"_When will you let me go?" He asks, as blood begins pouring from his chest, and his face becomes a mess of ash and embers. You hold him numbly. His hair continues to glow. It's so bright, it hurts your eyes. _

_His face is unrecognizable, burnt and torn and shredded, but his smile is wistful. His grip on your hand is relaxing. The breeze is taking the ashes away. Soon, it will all be gone, leaving you with the broken shards of your heart. _

"_Please stay."_

_Your throat feels like you're suffocating from the smoke as you cover his heart with your hand. The blood leaks through your fingers._

"_You know I can't." He says, gently. You lean your forehead against what's left of his. "Please let me go."_

"_I can't." You choke and you cough, but you hold on. The room is drenched in his blood. It's flowing like a waterfall from the walls. It's going to drown you. "I love you."_

_There is forgiveness in his eyes. It's all he can give. It's not enough._

"_I can't." You repeat._

_And then you wake up._

_*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)_

One spoon of sugar. Two. Three.

"Fuck!"

I poured all the coffee in the sink, and began again. I noted that my hands were shaking so badly that sugar was scattered everywhere. I began counting spoons with maniacal intensity again.

The phone began ringing. I already knew who it was. Christopher, calling in to beg me to pick me up from whatever shit he had ended up doing last night.

Christopher. My mind latched on to the thought in desperation. I was used to thinking about everything but what I wanted. My mind clung to the memory of my charming roomie, with his bisexual tendencies and reckless generosity. Christopher was the one who found me, took me to the hospital, and finally offered me a place to stay. He didn't have any compunctions about letting a strange girl in his house, and for that, I was forever indebted to him. It shocked me sometimes, how protective I was of him. I've actually driven over and broken the nose of one of the girls who had broken his heart. That was proof of a violent streak in me I never suspected I had.

I inhaled deeply. The comforting scent of coffee somewhat assuaged my internal panic. A kind of lethargy took its place: the rest of the day stood before me, exactly the same as before. As welcoming as the routine of daily life was, I sometimes caught myself craving a release from the monotony.

The wayward thought took me by surprise: I'd thought monotony and anonymosity were my allies, the haven where I could hide, me and my ghosts.

I crossed over the kitchen quickly and picked up the phone. "Hello, Christopher. Where are you?"

"Um." A male voice said, and I began to feel embarrassed before I recognized the voice. I went rigid. _Fuck, not him. _"This is Jake. From, you know, the diner. Last week."

"I thought," I said, evenly, "I thought I told you to stay away."

"Yeah, about that." His voice sounded vaguely annoyed. Good. Maybe I could piss them off right out of town. "Just give us two seconds."

"No." I said, unequivocally. "I'm really sorry you didn't get the hint yesterday, so here it is, in plain English: Fuck the hell off."

"How can you be like this?" He growled, and I heard a snapping noise on his end. "How can you be a judge without even hearing the story?"

"Because it's my life, for fuck's sake, Black."

I froze. On his end, it went deathly quiet.

"What…what did you just call me?"

I stared blankly at a snapshot Christopher had stuck on the fridge. It showed the three of us –him, me, and his then-boyfriend Jeremy- at a carnival. My eyes paused on the details with unnecessary concentration. "I don't know." I whispered.

"Listen to me." His voice was low, and controlled. "If you don't meet us somewhere, I'm sorry, but we're going to stalk the crap out of you. You can't turn your back on this, not after…" His voice shook.

For some reason, the raw edge in his voice made him sound vulnerable. _Whoever I was, whoever I used to be, he depended on me. _

The realization was humbling.

"Something happened." I realized out loud. "Something happened last week."

"Some things have been happening for a long time now, Leah." I barely noticed what he called me. "We really need you right now."

I clenched my hands into fists almost unconsciously. "Jake-"

"No, wait. Tell me now that you don't remember anything, any damn thing, and we'll back off. I swear. That's only fair. But if you do, you know that you're living a half-life."

It was hovering at the tip of my tongue to deny all of it; no, I don't remember, I have no idea why this life looks so unfamiliar, I don't physically collapse when I see you.

And then, before I could stop myself, it fell out of my mind, passed through my lips. "There's a boy." I heard myself say. In his end, someone inhaled sharply. "He…he keeps telling me to let him go."

I realized that tears were streaking down my face, making it feel like a thousand needles were stabbing my eyes.

"Shit." Jake said, quietly. "She remembers the one thing I wanted her to forget."

I wondered if he was talking to himself. I was too busy trying to shrug off the cold hand of fear on my spine.

"It's probably her strongest memory." Another voice said. My mind dragged out the name: Edward.

I pushed the sense of foreboding away, and tried to regain an ounce of control. "Who is he, Jake?"

"Look, Leah…"

"Stop _calling_ me that!" I snarled. I didn't know what I wanted him to do, which was beyond frustrating. Call me every name he knew and hang up? Ignore my jibes and tell me what I dreaded hearing?

"Hello, Sarah."

My knees buckled cleanly. I slid violently on to the floor. "Hello, Edward. Tell me who he is."

"His name was Seth Clearwater." He said, in his quiet, musical voice. His each sentence sounded like he was singing a special song for me, one that only I could hear. I shivered involuntarily. I began to regret driving Jake away. He was so…human, compared to his friend. Again, that sensation of my form blurring, my shape morphing, as if unable to hold in all the emotions. "He's the reason you're here."

Seth…rang no bells. I tried to connect the face of the dying boy that haunted me with the name, and I couldn't. Mostly because my heart stopped beating the second I thought of him.

"Could you be more cryptic?" I recognized my tone. It was my defense mechanism when I was terrified. Then, I surrendered. "Meet me at the park in an hour. It's right in front of the diner, and pretty quiet."

"Are you sure?" He asked, and panic gripped me like a hand on my heart, a grip that squeezed my lungs out. I stared numbly at Christopher's photo, unwilling to wrench my gaze away from what seemed like the only remainder of the life I had taken refuge in for so long.

I laughed bitterly. "Doesn't look like you're giving me much of a choice."

"Jacob apologizes for his aggressive behavior." He said, quietly. "He's under no small amount of stress."

I had the feeling he wanted to say more. Finally, after a long silence, I hung up. I went mechanically back into the kitchen, and stared at the cereal. My roommate always told me that I probably spent half my life deciding whether to cook breakfast or just settle for Coco Pops.

I didn't end up doing either. Instead, I leaned my forehead against the fridge and cried.

**Author's Note: Apologies for the delay, I was focused on some other work. Oh, and I made some changes to chapter two, cause the original sucked. A HUGE thank-you to everyone who reviewed anyway. Ooh, and ignore this if it turns up in your notifications, I just found out the Replace Chapter With function. **

**This dream was actually written for another fic of mine, for a blonde. If you see this again somewhere else, it's not plagiarism. It's just me again. **

**Thoughts?**


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER THREE**

_In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun  
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,  
This world you must've crossed, you said.  
-Augustana-Boston_

They were already there when I reached the park.

I'd been attempting to be casual, matter-of-fact until I saw them. My façade of calm dropped entirely once I went through the now-familiar jolt to my stomach that seeing them caused.

They were so beautiful that it was impossible to mistake them. Though there were benches everywhere, neither of them was seated. In the morning light, I could fully understand why my reaction to them was so strong. It wasn't like they had the sort of faces you saw in the streets daily. The sunlight filtered through the oaks and danced on Edward's bronze hair, somehow throwing his inhumanly beautiful face into shadow at the same time.

He looked up the instant I saw them, as if I'd called out to him. I shivered, even though it was a moderately warm morning. "Hello, Sarah." He said.

Jake was standing a little way off, facing the opposite direction, his hands in his pockets. He didn't turn around when Edward spoke. His shoulders were squared.

"I have a few conditions." I said, directly. I focused on Edward's eyes, which were coal-black. I frowned, distracted for a second. _Could've sworn that…_

"Spit it out." Jake said, and his voice was flat, almost cold.

I nodded, collecting my thoughts. "I don't want to know _any_thing unless you have it on good authority that I -my past self, Leah, that is. That was my name, right?"

Edward nodded, his pale, sculptured face revealing nothing.

"Well, I want to be sure that I would have wanted to know." I stared at Jake defiantly, crazily wanting him to react.

Again, it was Edward who replied. "There are some things going on where you used to live that you would have been concerned about."

I couldn't help it. "How concerned?"

A ripple of some emotion – annoyance? Anger? Pain? - passed through the beautiful face a split second before Jake whipped around. I realized why Jake had turned away: he was fucking _furious_.

"Your motherfucking _brother_ was murdered, alright?" He snarled, and I took an involuntary step back as he advanced towards me. His eyes were liquid fire. Behind him, Edward made a warning noise in his throat. "He was your fucking _life_, and now it turns out it wasn't an accident that killed him, it was cold-blooded murder!"

He glared at me, his fury almost palpable, drowning me.

"Jacob!" Edward barked. "Back. Off."

"She needs to know!"

"Jake." Edward's voice was soft, like velvet over steel. It was the most terrifying thing I'd ever heard. "Shut the fuck up, for once in your life."

Jake closed his eyes, trapping in the anger behind them with his eyelids, and stopped shaking gradually. He took a step backwards, so that my breathing became more regular. I realized that I had been reduced to gasps beforehand.

"Okay. I have another condition." I said, forcing myself to remain arrogant. I hadn't backed off from Jake's hatred, and I'll be damned if I do now. "Once you begin, I want you to tell me _everything_. Don't hold anything back for any reason."

Edward nodded slightly, his jaw set.

"Tell me, then." I said, resolutely. "Who am I?"

"There's something you need to see first, then." Jake said.

Edward shot him a look of pure hatred. "Jacob, no."

Jake flipped him the finger. He was smiling now, the smile of a man at the edge of the precipice, desperate and reckless. "Watch closely."

At first, nothing happened. Jake just stood there in the clearing like a young god fallen to the park.

Then, he began to change.

His entire form shuddered violently, then began simultaneously shrinking and growing larger. His jeans ripped eventually, as did his shirt. It didn't matter. Russet colored fur covered him, thick and luxuriant.

The transformation took less than a few seconds. Jake was gone. In his place was a massive wolf with his eyes.

I watched, transfixed, as Jake the Wolf turned to me with an air of inquiry. I realized that I was frozen in place. I couldn't even run. I raised a hand to my forehead. I didn't know what I was about to do. Slap myself?

I looked at Edward numbly. He was watching my reaction, his expression weary.

It took me a moment to rediscover my voice. "What the fuck is going on?"

*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)

It had begun to drizzle by the time Edward paused. He fixed his eyes on me, seemingly unaware that everyone else in the park had fled from the rain. "Well?"

"Give me a minute." I said, leaning against a tree. The bark was rough and uncomfortable, much more real than the two men in front of me.

Jake had phased back, shrugging on a pair of shorts he seemed to pull out of nowhere. He was pacing nearby. The movement was dragging me closer to snapping.

"Okay." I said, presently. "I'm a shape shifter, Jake's a shape shifter, you're a vampire. Got that."

Jake smiled brightly, but Edward's forehead creased. "You believe us?"

I shrugged. "Well, the guy turned into an enormous wolf in front of my eyes. Kind of hard to refute that kind of evidence."

Jake rumpled my hair, and I jerked out of his reach. He seemed far from offended. "That's my girl."

Much to my surprise, a ripple of sheer anger went across Edward's perfect features, drawing his upper lip back minutely. Then he realized that I'd seen him, and the shutters fell down on his eyes violently, and his face settled into mask of blankness.

"What now?" I asked Jake, still watching Edward curiously. What brought that on?

"Well, here's the tough part." He said, gently. I ripped my gaze away from Edward, and looked at Jake. "You sure you want to know?"

I nodded.

"There was a… a fire at your place." Jake took a deep, steadying breath. "Your Mum was at my place at the time, so she's safe, pretty much." He grimaced. "You and your brother Seth were the only ones in the house."

"Seth died, Leah. Is it okay if I call you Leah?" He continued, cupping my face in his hands. I instinctively stepped out of his touch warily. His touch was comforting, but I didn't want any sugar-coating right then.

"It was awful. We all loved Seth, even…" He jerked his head in Edward's direction. His voice was heavy with grief. "You disappeared right afterwards. We figured you saw what happened, and couldn't take it." The apology was heavy in his voice. "But you didn't turn up for months, and we grew worried. So we came."

I looked at Edward for confirmation. He nodded, his face still set into that mask.

"Then we found you. You told us to fuck off, and we'd decided to do just that, but…" Jake's voice trailed off.

I waited, eyebrows raised.

"Another of our pack had died. Another house fire." He said, bitterly. For a second, an expression of the bitterest agony crossed his face.

"Coincidence." I whispered. "Too much of a coincidence."

"You may remember." Edward spoke up. He sounded tired. "You may remember exactly what happened." His eyes held mine. "But as a consequence, you may be forced to revisit the past you forgot."

I nodded, my throat dry. I knew what he was implying; a potential series of horrors awaited me.

"If you don't feel like…"

I shook my head. "No, I, uh, I can do it." I was trying to convince myself more than them. "Problem is, how am I supposed to remember?"

Jake smiled. "Well, we could go back, for starters."

I looked at both of them in confusion. "You mean back to where you…we… live?"

Edward nodded, reluctantly, I thought.

"You think it might just zoom back into me?" I asked, skeptically.

Jake shrugged. "Might take longer than that." Seeing my expression, he hastily added, "I can easily fix my place for you. It's just me and Billy there. My Dad."

"It would be much more convenient for her to stay in my house." Edward said smoothly, ivory face betraying nothing. "We have an excess of space."

Jake's mouth curved into a bitter, cruel smile. He raised his eyebrows at Edward, whose jaw hardened fractionally.

I watched this by-play with narrowed eyes. Not for the first time, I wondered what relation the two of them had to each other. At the diner, they'd seemed casual and relaxed, if a bit weary. Cautious friends. As much as they tried to hide it, right now their body language screamed of hatred.

As soon as I'd completed that thought, Edward's eyes flickered to me, the onyx filled with surprise.

I shivered. _Where did I live, anyway? Supernatural Central?_

"So, whadduya say, Leah?" Jake turned to me. "You can stay at my place."

_When did he decide that?_

I looked at Edward suspiciously, but he was looking away into the distance, face set into a tranquil mask. So Jake won that battle, it seemed.

I inhaled deeply, trying to clear my head. _It's the right thing to do,_I told myself. _People could die otherwise._

Leave it all behind?

I closed my eyes and remembered Christopher. Sunlight, joy, rain. I opened them and wondered why Edward looked like he'd been kicked in the stomach.

"Yeah." I said, faintly. "We could go back."

**Author's note: If you tell me Leah got too Bella-y, I will cry. Oh, and check your accounts. If you were a victim of my technology illiteracy, there'll probably be an apology for that. **

**THANK YOU for the lovely reviews, and toImCuPcaKe, who thinks that it's good enough to translate to Spanish. Love you :) **

**Thoughts?**


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FOUR**

_She keeps holding on__  
__Holding on to you__  
__Let her breathe the air__  
__Don't wanna be alone__  
__Where do you belong  
Anna Lee?  
-Dream Theatre-Anna Lee_

"Christopher, you're being fucking ridiculous!"

His cobalt blue eyes flashed dangerously, but he said nothing.

I gritted my teeth and zipped my bag closed with unnecessary intensity. "You know, you could just tell me that you think this is a bad idea." Even as I said it, I had to fight down a surge of betrayal. I'd counted on him to support me, to tell me that I wasn't going crazy.

"It's a bad idea." He said, flatly.

Anger licked at the edge of my vision. "_Why_? Because I want to know who the fuck I am? Because I want to feel like I'm a good person, just this once?"

He snarled. "How does this make you a good person, Sarah? Huh?"

I stared at him, my eyes frozen wide. "I can't be selfish, not now." I gnawed on my lower lip. "There's a lot more at stake than my happiness." I watched him silently, begging him to smile and say it was okay.

His expression made it clear that he would do no such thing. "Fuck this." He hissed, and made as if to leave.

Despite myself, I heard myself call out, "Chris, wait!"

He froze in the doorway.

"Christopher, I…" I trailed off, feeling useless. "I need to do this." I sad, softly. "Can you understand?"

He didn't move, just stayed there with his back to me. His shoulders were squared, as if protecting himself from whatever I was about to say.

"It's not that I wasn't happy here." I continued, desperate. "It's just that there's a problem they need my help on, and if I don't-"

"_What_?" He demanded, whipping around to face me. "If you don't go, what's the worst thing that could happen? You could be happy with that guy you have a date with Saturday night? You could stay with me, with Jenna, and not have to relive the worst memories of your life?"

I ripped my gaze away from him, striving to remain calm. I knew that, even now, if he just asked, I would've told Jake and Edward to screw themselves and stayed. I knew that Christopher had a power over me that even my conscience couldn't override.

But he didn't.

"What are you really afraid of, Christopher?" My voice was interlaced with venom. "Me leaving with two guys I barely know to go who knows where, or me discovering an existence beyond you? _Without_ you?"

He gasped, as if I'd socked him. I stared back defiantly, daring him to accuse me of hitting below the belt.

"I don't know you anymore." He said, his voice soft with hurt.

"How did you _know_ me before?" I snapped, unwilling to let his pain deter me from calling him out on his stubbornness. _"I_ didn't fucking know me!"

He shook his head. His eyes were veiled, maybe forever. "So they just waltz into town, _months_ after whatever happened made you like this, and you just go running back without even _knowing_… "

I didn't ask him what I didn't know; I didn't have to, with it hanging so heavily in the air between us. Knowing whether they were what they claimed, knowing whether I could have had a chance right here to escape the shadows.

I looked at him. Would I lose him forever?

_Is it worth it?_

Again, that silent knowledge: he never asked me to stay. After all, why should he?

I clenched my hands into fists and looked away again.

"Sare…"

I started when I heard the first knock on the door. In the silence of things left unspoken, the noise was nearly deafening.

"Fucking hooray." Christopher spat.

*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)

_The room is cluttered with books and clothes, but all of it is in shadow. The only clearly visible spot is where he's standing, sunlight on his hair. _

_You can already feel your heart breaking even as you begin suffocating._

"_It's a beautiful morning." He says. You go and hold him because that's what you have to do, because there's no other way to make him stay. "How long since we last saw the sun, Leah?"_

_You don't answer because you can't; you can't remember._

"_When will you let me go?" He asks. The blood, the ashes; they aren't here yet, but they will be, darling, they will be._

"_Please stay." Your voice is muffled, as if some force is pulling _you_ away, instead of him. _

I frowned. A sensation of drowning overcame me, even as I opened my eyes.

Edward's deep black eyes met mine, his expression one between agony and sympathy, making me instinctively wary_. Like fuck I needed him to feel sorry for me. _I'd had quite enough of sympathy, thank you very much.

Again, with that uncanny accuracy, he said, in his beautiful voice, "You were hoping for a different reaction from Christopher."

It wasn't a question, more of a statement. I felt a touch of unease, also of pain at the name. "None of your fucking business."

He nodded, seeming to have expected that. "This isn't what I wanted." He said, almost to himself. "I didn't want you to give up on a chance for contentment."

Interesting choice of words. I noted that he said contentment, not happiness. Somehow, that struck me as odd.

I was all but biting my tongue in half not to snap angrily at him. Sure, he told me something I needed to know _(ruined my life)_ but that sure as fuck didn't make him my shrink.

I sighed. Whatever he was doing, he was doing to be courteous. I would have to have the grace not to get pissed off at the slightest stab of instinctive mistrust I felt.

"I'm fine." I said, quietly.

He nodded, and turned forward, returning his eyes to the road.

I stretched, trying to throw off the panic and terror that lingered in my every muscle. I checked on Jake on the rearview mirror, only to see him completely knocked out. I turned my attention lazily to the stereo, a slight smile on my lips. The melody was strangely familiar…violins, guitar.

"Hey, aren't you tired?" I asked Edward, politely. I would treat him like any other person, goddamit. "I mean, you've been driving since we left."

He smiled slightly. "Vampire, remember?"

My brow furrowed. "So you…don't get tired?"

He shook his head, that enigmatic smile still curving his lips. "Among other things."

"Like what?" I asked, curiously. A brief tentativeness entered my thoughts, and I added, "I mean, if it's not too personal."

He shot me a look full of genuine surprise. "You want to know?"

I shrugged. "Well, it's a good start to getting to know what my life used to be like." Again, that slight shyness. The fuck? "I mean, if you don't want to…"

He chuckled. It was an expression of warmth, of sheer amusement, two emotions I'd originally associated with Jake. It melted me, just a little, enough to momentarily forget the hurt and betrayal I'd felt at Christopher's reaction. This in itself confused me; why was I comfortable in his presence when I should be everything but? And why was I always so overwhelmed by him? Seconds ago, I'd have jumped off a cliff rather than had a normal conversation with him. Yet here I was, doing just that.

Many of those unacknowledged wolf instincts were screaming at me not to trust him, to get away as soon as possible. I refused to let them control me. Maybe Edward wasn't human; whether or not he was to be trusted remained to be seen. Until then, I resigned myself to flying blind.

Edward seemed to be mulling it over, even as the needle on the speedometer inched towards 120. I'd kept a cautious eye on it, only to observe that Edward seemed inclined towards higher speeds and had no problems handling them. Christopher himself….

_Stop it, _I berated myself angrily. I had to stop comparing everyone to Christopher, I had to get over the idiotic love I had for him. He'd pretty much made it clear that he didn't want anything more to do with me. In all honesty, I didn't blame him.

"Vampires are immortal, same as in literature. We need blood for sustenance, though not necessarily human blood." He seemed to sense my incredulity. "We –my family, my coven – depend on animal blood. We're known as vegetarians among our kind."

I snorted ungracefully. "Isn't that kind of…not the point?" I was slowly gauging my footing with him. Friends? Maybe not. Close, though. Very close. "What about those charred to a cinder in sunlight stories?"

He seemed to get what I meant, because his eyes flashed with amusement, and I swear to God, they looked lighter. "Not true." He said, definitely. "We're near invincible. Our skin, however, does have a curious reaction to sunlight."

I raised my eyebrows.

"It's hard to explain." He admitted, his exquisite voice thoughtful.

I let the subject drop. If it were important, I'd hear about it sooner or later. I quietly hummed along with the familiar tune on the stereo.

"Debussy fan?" He asked, in a tight voice that was in stark contrast with his relaxed mien earlier.

I shrugged, strangely at peace. "Not sure. It sounds familiar. It's nice."

I kept my eyes on the passing scenery, surprised slightly by the general greenness of the surroundings as Edward sped past them at breakneck speed. The trees seemed to be reaching out, the gnarled oaks with twisted hands. An eerie sensation of coming home filled my mind.

I smiled.

**Author's note: I'm actually trying to show a side of Leah that got eclipsed by her anger at Sam. Dunno if it's working. Oh, and Blackwater supporters? Don't lose hope yet. :)**

**Listen, if you've got any suggestions, feel free to tell me. If you disapprove of how I'm handling this story, tell me. Because even though I have a vague idea how this is gonna end, it's your reviews that decide the behavior of the characters in each and every chapter. Trust me.**

**PS- Part two begins from the next chapter. You know what that means. Jake/Edward PoV! YAY! **


	6. Author's Note

**Author's note**

Look, here's the deal: I friggin' LOVE this story, which makes my confessions all the more harder. But thing is, due to a lot of crap that's been going on in my life recently, I'm going to put this story on temporary hiatus.

My deepest apologies to all my lovely readers, especially the ones who loved this as much as I did from the get-go. And who can forget the incredible AddictionStudio, who offered to do a translation in Spanish? (Note to said incredible writer: PM me if you want to continue. I'll tell you what I had planned, and can be your beta. Think about it.)

For those of you who care, here's the real reason I'm postponing this story: My buddy Ryan, whose been my wonderwall for God knows how many years, recently found out that he was, in fact, gay. He didn't tell me because he thought I would be all judgmental on him (yeah, he's a tad dim) So to show my support, I'm writing this slash fic, starring…dun dun DUN… Edward and Jacob.

Yeah, I know. It's just that I had a blast writing about them in this, that I thought, why not. For anyone who wants to help me show my idiot of a friend that I'm not homophobic, or anyone up for a bit of fun, go ahead and check it out. It's on my profile, obviously, and is called Shangri La.

Cheers, and happy reading.

Love,  
Evil's Sidekick


End file.
